remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
