Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
