dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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