nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Holy shit dude........stairs
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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