you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
