Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
His hands were made for my vagina.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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