I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
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just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
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Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm like the big dick whisperer.