Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck