Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
naw, they were rude, not me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.