we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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