please come you make the beer taste better
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.