I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
