The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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