every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
