Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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