Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
