she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
