Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You may now shotgun with the bride
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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