can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
