He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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