physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
