her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
