We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Oh god it's open bar.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
