If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Randomize
