Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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