New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
