so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
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Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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