and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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