We got so high we made milksteak
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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