it wasn't lemon gatorade
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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