i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
