woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
