I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
