the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
