Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
