never play flip cup with pint glasses
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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