i wish peter jackson would direct porn
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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