As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
