She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
