It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
