Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
