Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
