nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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