How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
