what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
