i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
It was confusing and full of hummus
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
