my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
