I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
