it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
