i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
