peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
