She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
