They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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