Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
accomplished twins. life is a go
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
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