ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
