Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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