If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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