I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
