dude i'm inner monologue high
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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