Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
