This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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