you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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