In the future we'll all be gay
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
