Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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