do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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