I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Sext me about skeletons
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
